other people's "stuff" + resilience
I am going thru the topics of interest you've all provided to me! I hope you found the meditation series interesting and got dome golden nuggets from it!
In this drop, you'll explore expanding your resilience when other people project their "stuff" onto you!
Best,
~Kimberly x
01.
other people's "stuff"
The other day I was given the perfect opportunity to experience a resilience moment! 😁
I am currently participating in another self-improvement program where the participants practice with other participants ( in groups of 3) as part of certification. (LOL! Yes, still taking classes ... I can't help it ... as a life-long-learner I *love* learning new things!)
Anyway ... 😁
I while I was doing-my-thing I mentioned that I get nervous every time I get into a group with 2 new people. After we all finished, during the debrief when we all give out comments regarding what we'd observed, one of the other participants questioned me.
"Did you come into this practice today feeling nervous?" he asked.
"Yes I did." I answered.
"I knew this heavy weight in my chest was not mine! I was feeling your nervousness!" he said.
My silent thoughts ... "Wait! What?!?! What did you just say? How dare you? You are blaming me for what youwere feeling and for your bodily sensation? So the convo with your boss you just told us about regarding your poor performance at work had nothing to do with that feeling you are blaming me for? Great self-awareness Buddy ... NOT! WOW... you have actually learned nothing in this class! Seriously!!! #%$^!@#$!!!
My body reactions ... heart pounding, hormones pumping, fight-or-flight response kicking in, head racing with thoughts of his destruction, an impulse to let him have a piece of my mind about - well - him just being him!
Can you relate?
02.
resilience
Let’s talk about these and other moments like these —when a conversation, a comment, a look… suddenly sucks you into the whirlpool of anger toward the other person!
This can happen when You think you are fine. You are fine. And then—bam. You’re triggered, flooded, spiraling.
How and why does this happen?
Well, no one wants to be blamed by someone else for their "stuff". I mean it is their stuff, otherwise we could not call it someone else's "stuff", right?
Well, Yes ...
Yes, they are experiencing something that is making them decide to behave in the way they just behaved ... ie. the conversation, the comment, the look they gave to you. And they really may believe that you made them feel/think/say/do that.
Why would they believe that? Because they are self-unaware. Because they are not aware enough of their own triggers, their own feelings, their own beliefs, their own Self to realize what is actually going on with them!
So they decided to lash out and blame you!
and ... No! Same goes for you! Sorry, not sorry!
Yes, you are experiencing something that is making you decide to behave in the way you behave in reaction to them. And you may really believe that they made you feel/think/say/do that, too!
Why would you believe that? Because you are self-unaware. Because you are not aware enough of your own triggers, your own feelings, your own beliefs, your own Self to realize what is actually going on with you
So you decide to lash out and blame them for your reaction!
Phew! That's interesting, right?
Do you want to develop resilience in these situations?
Then the absolutely essential first step to developing resilience is self-awareness!
Experiment with this ...
1. When you notice yourself being triggered by someone else ... acknowledge that you are noticing! It doesn't matter if you've just gotten triggered, have been ruminating about it for 1 hour, or have been in the whirlpool of anger toward that person for 10 years!
The moment you notice you are triggered, notice that you have noticed ... self-awareness!
This is a big step!
Because, once you notice how you are feeling and what you are doing, once you become truly aware of yourself, then you can do something about it!
Until that awareness moment, you'll remain stuck in the whirlpool!
2. And then: CELEBRATE THAT YOU NOTICED!
Give yourself some credit! This is a win! This is You admitting that you are in the the whirlpool and the first moment you can begin to swim out of it! WOOP!
3. Then decide to take your power back! Decide to make a shift!
Decide that you will no longer allow yourself to be swept endlessly in this whilrpool. Decide to get out of it!
Decide that their action ... ie. the conversation, the comment, the look they gave to you ... is how they chose to act, for whatever reason, and their reason does not patter!
Decide that was in the past (even if it was literally 1 min ago, that is the past!) is the past, and the past has no right influencing you in the current moment!
Take a really deep breath or 2 or ten, and choose to get out of the whirlpool! :-)
Think about it. Everytime you 'get over' something and decide to 'bounce back from it' you are exibiting resilience! You have done it time and time again! You already know how to do this!
Now, just be quicker about it! :-)
Ultimately, it IS your CHOICE! That's resilience!
p.s. Is there any way that I can support you? Simply hit reply to let me know or scheduling a chat with me!! :-)
p.p.s. Grab your copy of The Morning Liberator so that you can set up your day differentley! Get it here!